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Is talking to your friends about your relationship problems a good idea?

When I talk to my friends about it they immediately come to my defense. They don't try to help me get to the cause of the problem and maybe figure out how I contributed to is so that I can take some accountability. And I get it. "That's what friends are for" etc. But it ends up painting a bad picture of your partner if the only time you ever really talk about them is when something isn't right.

Lilu 5 July 26
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8 comments

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Depends. Your friends tell you what you want, or need to hear? Is their integrity intact, historically?

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Yes, I agree that it does paint / influence perceptions when most of the conversation about your partner is 'troubleshooting' so to speak.

This is where it's important to surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed, who support and encourage your upward journey.
It's good to have a few trusted soundboards who will punish you carefully when you go astray, and cheer you on when you're on the right path.
Eventually, you will figure out who these people around you are. When someone wants to talk about their troubles, it's important not to steal the problem by trying to solve it for them.

Conversation really helps with sorting out thoughts and stating intentions/plans for navigating ahead, especially if you're having trouble defining exactly where you stand.

Even when I have vented to a friend who told me, "I'm not sure what to say or do more than just listen." And I said, "Listening and telling me what thoughts rise up is enough for me, because you also send me non-verbal cues in your reactions, with which I use to gage as I describe what's going on and how I'm trying to move forward, 'Am I overreacting? Does this sound normal? Does it sound like I'm going the best course through these storms?'

That, and I literally have a handful of people who will tell me when I have a bad idea or if I'm sound like i'm being reactionary lol
I know I'm not without flaws and I appreciate discovering data that helps me to keep climbing upwards!

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Sometimes it feels good to talk to friends about those things. In other ways it's bad because they might form a low opinion of your partner. I understand the need to talk to someone Sometimes tho.

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Friends are typically a pitiful group to voice concerns for your relationship. They will always defend you, whether or not you were the one at fault. That isn't true advice. That's appeasement, and helps no one.

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Maybe true friendship should be about enriching each others lives... even if that sometimes means calling each other out (tactfully) for the sake of an ultimate benefit.

Also, could there be opportunities to talk about your partner when everything is wonderful?

They should be, but friendships are often superficial. And I think that friends generally want to avoid making their friends upset, so they avoid being honest or asking hard questions. It's kinda like asking a friend "do I look fat in this", they'll most likely give you the answer you hope to hear, not the honesty that people who ask the question probably want to hear.

There are always opportunities but why would you talk about your relationship if there's nothing to talk about? Plus hanging out with friends is an escape from every day life when you're around your partner all the time which might be why people generally don't talk about their relationships unless they're having problems.

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I would say no it's not a good idea to talk about your relationship problems with your friends because they just want to protect you i have always found talking to someone that is neutral to you like say people on here pick someone that you talk to on here if you feel you can because i feel their ideas would be more useful than a really good friend because even a good friend will find it hard to be objective with you because of the friendship that you have with them,
I used to get advice from my friends till i hit the same wall and all i would always here is the painting the bad picture of your partner over and over there was never once it was good it was always something.

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Depends on your relationship with them and if they can keep confidences etc, etc, etc...

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That's a tough call, I think sometimes it is nice to have the support, but sometimes you need your friends to slap you in the face for being silly about something. The trick is both you and your friend knowing when you need which result.

Yeah. And its hard to know when its ok to ask questions they might not like because in my experience being honest is sometimes seen as being disloyal. >.<

@Lilu Yep, we need provide our friends with accurate cues or questions to allow them to understand what we may need. The problem is we don't always know what we need! Thus I think the best choice is therapy if you can afford or get it.

@KariPanda Lol right? And and the thought of seeing a therapist might actually make you think a little more about the situation and realize that maybe you were making a mountain out of a molehill, and decide you don't need to see a therapist after all. xD

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