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Not really sure where to post this or if anyone will really read this or comment or whatever but just sort of wanted to vent somewhere. my dad and i have a shitty relationship and pretty much always have. i don't know really what led to it per say. i think it is a few things, him not being around as much as i would have liked, custody agreements, just to name some things. honestly i think our relationship isnt awful but i think he has some perfect picture of what it should be and just because of choices he has made in his interactions with me and just me being my quirky self it isnt what he wanted. and everytime im around him i honestly feel like shit, even more so when my sister and boyfriends are around because i feel like he makes them into surrogate sons. like he shoots the shit with then and talks about things to go to with them. like i may not have the same interests and what not but like at least extend the same offers to me and such like id enjoy doing some of those things too. the other issue is despite being relatively independent i am legally blind and there are just things i can't do on my own and so like a lot of the time i don't talk about doing things with them is because i can't just drop things like a “normal” person and just do whatever. ive also been made to feel awful about not showing compassion or gratitude and like that may be true in regards to showing and saying it in the traditional sense but i feel like i display those sentiments in my own way. like im not “normal” and feel like im being punished for being me. and it doesnt help he shit talks my mom. like yeah my mom has issues but like i don't feel comfortable talking shit about her. when she does the same i honestly try not to talk as much shit about him with her. and the last thing too is i don't like calling them out on this stuff cuz like they are my parents, i really don't want to feel like im lecturing them.

Joehlert11 7 Jan 9
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Hmm i guess your on the young adult side say around 20-22

I had huge issues with my dad too the point where I was nudged (thrown) out of home at 19

But consider this you are never going to be independent living at home and yes I know your blind I have 2 close friends that I grew up with and went to school with who are blind one has I think like 15% and the other is lucky if he has 1%

The friend that has 1% lived in his own flat for years with no dog and only an occasional visit

So i guess my advice is reach out and see if you can get a DOH flat or some other housing arrangement

Even if your out of home for just a few months It makes a difference when you go back

Just remember if your doing your best (really not just pretend best) then f*ck em thats my motto as a bad tempered dyslexic with a splash of ADD for good measure

Best of luck

yeah im mostly independent. havent really ever relied on him, more so my mom. i learned years ago not to really depend on him for much. idk i get the impression he wants me to be the fully independent son like everyone else but that just isnt the case i do require more help than most and just sucks especially seeing how he interacts with my sisters boyfirends, like the sons he didnt get in me.

it’s why ive kind of gotten over our shitty relationship. i won't pretend like ive done the best at trying to reconcile it over the years as i think i made clear in the initial post but that being said ive done what i can and havent really seen him do much himself to try and make it better on his end other than blame me. like my first step dad and i had a great relationship and people actually thought he was my dad because he was so present in my life. i don't know how oblivious my dad can be to that thag he needs me to explain that our disconnect has just as much to do with his absence as my silence but its hust hard when he throws it back in my face the way he does by treating my sisters boyfriends the way he does

@Joehlert11 Hey I had missed a couple of things the first time round If your folks are divorced don't expect them to be reasonable

So many bring the kids into their own bullshit its sad

The other thing to keep in mind as shitty as his behavior is. Look deep into the reason why it might be his upbringing might have been completely crap and that has such a large impact I know this from being a father and a son.

In time it may improve and that's a shit thing to have but at the end of the day he is one person sorta in your life lots of people can help you through your journey

And if your mum has split from that stepdad that you got on with there is no reason for you not to still be friends and have a relationship with him

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OK, so I think I'll just go ahead and chime in here. From what you've written I get the impression that your whole family, you included, is just acting out their basic needs in a very unconscious, unthoughtful and irresponsible manner. Some accountability is needed and it starts with you. You need to speak the truth, no matter how uncomfortable you are with it. You don't want to upset anyone and you don't want to be ostracized, but you're going to have to get this stuff out in the open or the demons ll grow stronger every day. Demons/dragons grow strong in the dark and the way to defeat them is with light. Keep calm, don't yell and don't throw accusations around willy-nilly, just state the facts as you see them and express how you have been made to feel.

I can also suggest that you tune into Free Domain Radio either via the website freedomainradio.com or on YouTube or look up Stefan Molynuex, the call-in shows specifically and if you can get a call in with him that would probably be a good idea. Other than that, you must tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and hopefully a truthful dialog will ensue. Worst case scenario, your father will be more careful how he treats you. But I suggest that you also be careful how you treat him as talking shit about him to your mother isn't good form considering your complaint about him talking shit about her. Pot calling the kettle black.

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My condolences for what you are going through, unfortunately I don’t have anything helpful to say that will make things better. Just wanted you to know that your comment did not fall on deaf ears.

thanks yeah im nit really looking fir any sort if response really. just first time seeing him in about a year and it was really htting me today and hust needed to say it, even if just the void

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