Anyone remember this bit of comical posting from April of 2016? She actually did have a sense of humor, from what I'd heard anyway.
"A PROCLAMATION FROM HRM, THE QUEEN.....
To the Citizens of the United States of America, from Her Sovereign
Majesty Queen Elizabeth I:
In Light of Your Failure to Nominate Competent Candidates for
President of the USA and thus to effectively Govern Yourselves, We
hereby give Notice of the
Revocation of Your Independence, Effective Immediately. (You should
look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
Monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories
(except North Dakota, which she does not Fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
Rules are introduced with immediate effect:
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize'
will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will
be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up
'vocabulary'.
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker
will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and
the elimination of '-ize.'
July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then
you're not ready to shoot grouse.
Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit
of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication
will help you understand the British sense of humour.
The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with
vinegar.
The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is
also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting
nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part
of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American
brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,
so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience
akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for
a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of nancies).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans
first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).
Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
Only Typhoo tea is permitted. We have a most reputable agent in Canada
(Mr. Chuck Corrigan) who can ship these to you at a reasonable cost
and at the same price as sold in Canada but payable in U.S. Funds.
God Save the Queen!.....
Forgot to ask, anyone up for some reruns of the Benny Hill Show?
(In best English impersonation) Oh bloody hell, we can no longer celebrate the Fourth of July now? They can forget the baseball part too, the dang blighters, baseball has and always will be my go to sport. Speaking of which, the Yankees and Mets have punched a post season ticket, wonder how far they'll get, and who I should be cheering more for? Those freakin' wanker Astros can kiss my arse, and the Dodgers can join them. The Astros be cheating devils, the whole bloomin' lot of em'.
Cheerio now Mister Chip, and positively delightful to hear from you, hope all has been going good.
Just got back from a two-week stent at the Outer Banks of NC. Had a marvelous time.