**Didn't really know where to put this--not loving the group-level posting system yet. But, this post is about viewing the far left and the non-far left through a couples therapy lens. Essentially, we have two ideological sides in the USA and presumably any western country. Do we have a framework for understanding what's happening to us, and can we use our knowledge of couples and families to heal the injuries that have led us here? Here are some of my thoughts on what this looks like

The left in our divided country reminds me of people in relationships that are stuck who keep elevating the threat to get their partner back under control. It's VERY unsuccessful. In therapy, you have to de-escalate the attempts to control and create the safety for the partners to again see each other as sovereign individuals who CHOOSE to partner together. Ultimately, both partners want to be chosen again and assured they won't be left alone.

But, things are greatly complicated when there's physical or (real) emotional abuse. And, it looks to me like the left has become an abuser in the relationship. It's standard practice to not treat couples in couples therapy when there are power dynamics at that level. Good counselors will not agree to work on the relationship as a couple until there is no more coercion through abuse. Both partners are encouraged to seek individual counseling to deal specifically with the abuse.

Obviously, people divorce. And, that seems to be the question we're facing--or heading toward. I have to admit it looks to me like my partner (the left) has become someone I may no longer want to partner with. However, you really have to de-escalate the reactivity before you can make that assessment. Is there something remaining on which to base a relationship?

In relationships that are stuck, there's an ugly cycle, where one partner gets triggered--let's say there's a spat, and one partner retreats--goes into another room--escapes the situation. That action triggers the other partner's abandonment issues, who then chooses to pursue and criticize. Well, nobody likes to be criticized, so the criticized partner who initially bailed gets triggered and retreats even further ('avoiding the conflict', but by retreating further, it triggers the critical partner, who then doubles down on the criticism. It's an inescapable negative cycle that leaves both partners feeling alone in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. NOT FUN. The interesting part is how each action triggers the other partner. That's how we become stuck, and it leaves us feeling stuck and helpless and hopeless. Over the years, ouch.

The goal in counseling is to get the partners to see the particular cycle that they get into, name it, and see that the particular argument (content) isn't really what's important. It's getting stuck in that cycle that's the problem, but what we SEE is usually finances or differences in child rearing or work distribution, etc.--all of those little annoyances we gripe about. THOSE ARE NOT THE ISSUE! Those are just how we expose the issue (though we never think about it that way). Once you can recognize what's going on, we can slow it all down. Say, you know what? I usually leave right now. I want to run. But, I'm going to stay here with you and hear you. And, the critical one can say, Man, this is where I always start criticizing you, but it never gets better when I do--it gets worse. So, I'm not going to do that this time. I'm going to give you the space to talk, and I'll listen.

Anyway, simplified version. There's more to it, but that's a pretty good start in helping couples reconnect and even heal attachment injuries.

SO, the question is, is that in any way helpful to think about how we can bridge this divide between groups of people in the country? Clearly, we trigger each other, so put a check by that one. We feel disconnected--maybe even we feel our country pulling apart at the seams. Is that a big deal? Can our one country be 2 countries, or 50 countries in the case of the USA? What happens after the split? Does each piece form its own 2-party system? Will that ultimately lead to other splits? Can our country work past this blockage because it's more emotional and less ideological than we conceptualize it to be? I don't have the answers, but I'm always trying to piece this thing together, and I wonder what it would take for us to be one nation again. Anyway, thoughts?