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Is racism wrong? Is it even possible for anyone not to be racist?

I struggled with racial identity growing up as a bi-racial kid. Not knowing where I belonged in the world because I didn't quite fit in. Aside from being light skinned I don't really look "White" and aside from having some "darker" features I don't really look Polynesian either.

I'll never forget the time my grandmother and I were at the bus stop outside a shopping center, I was about 13 at the time, when a lady walked up to us with a confused look on her face as she approached. She was an old family friend apparently.

They greeted each other and exchanged the usual pleasantries that you do when people from that generation (they're in their 80's now) haven't see each other for a while. She must have realized we were together because I hadn't moved away to give them privacy as they chatted.

The lady looked me up and down and then asked my grandmother "is she with you"? My grandmother replied "yes, she's my sons eldest daughter, my granddaughter". The look on her face was one of horror and disbelief... "are you sure she's his daughter?" she asked. "Of course I am!" said my grandmother in a slightly annoyed tone.

That was my first experience of real racism. Of true disgust for me based on the fact that I don't look the way she would have expected me to. Which is a result of me looking a little more like my mother who she has never met, than I do my father.

The experience I had with the "family friend" was 1 of only 2 times in my life that I have experienced what felt like true hate or disgust for me because I didn't quite look how they expected me to.

The second encounter happened when I was 15yrs old and had flown to New Zealand to see my mothers side of the family, who I had not seen since my mother died when I was 10. This encounter was even worse than the first and I hate reliving the experience so I'll just say that I felt very unsafe there.

In the almost 40 years that I've been on this earth I have only encountered 2 (what I would consider) genuine racists. In the hateful sense that people usually think about when they hear the word racist. So out of the roughly 14,000 days I've been alive, I experienced hateful racism on 2 of those days. And only 1 of the "racists" were white.

If I was still a kid, or even a younger adult the left would probably have me convinced that white people are inherently racist despite the fact that I was on the receiving end of hate from a brown person and that I only experienced real hate twice in my life... They might even have me hating myself because of my white ancestry.

To be completely honest I don't even know if I can describe the reaction of the "white" family friend as hateful racism. I know she was definitely horrified because my grandmother was pretty annoyed and confirmed my suspicions when I asked about it. But is it really hate though? I don't know.

Ironically enough, I think being bi-racial has actually saved me from a lot of racism I would have otherwise experienced if both my parents were white! Because you can't go anywhere these days without being "reminded" of how "racist" white people are.

I wonder if people who cry "racist" whenever someone says something slightly offensive is just someone who doesn't understand the culture of banter? Which doesn't exist in all "white" cultures but it does in the UK and Australia.

Lilu 5 July 24
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2

While I am not bi-racial, my son is. I remember a couple years ago I asked him if he saw himself as white or black and he told me that he just saw himself as being himself. He's gone to white majority schools and black majority schools. My son lives in the in-between of racial America and from his perspective, he'd rather not take a side. He loves both sides of his family.

When I asked him that question, I didn't know what his answer would be. If he said white, would I have been a little upset like he's disavowing his black side? If he said black, would I have just been okay with it? I think I was more so wanting to know what he thinks about race.

I think he avoids the topic of race in general and I can't blame him. I bought him a Thomas Sowell book and he's been making excuses as to why he can't finish it (he's almost 15 years old) but he reads extremely well. I think he knows the book is about race and he's trying to avoid it.

Looking back at it now, my son not picking a side shows me that we as parents did a good job. Fuck what society wants him to do and think. He should be proud of his white side as much as his black side. He knows love comes in all colors and he gets it from both sides of the family.

I applaud you for opening up about your experience. You should be proud of your heritages.

Yeah, could also just be a teenager thing, rather do something fun and exciting, reading a book that school doesn't require him to might be seen as an extra chore lol. I know I was like that. But when he starts hearing what I hope he does get into Thomas Sowell's work though because he's brilliant. He turned 90 recently!

But yeah I totally get how he might be feeling. When you're bi-racial you have the unique advantage of seeing things from both perspectives. But it's also hard because sometimes we do feel like we have to choose sides, particularly as a bi-racial youth because you're so much more easily influenced not just by people but by emotions. But as you get older and gain more life experience you start to see things differently.

Yes! I agree! Yes white people have done bad things but so has everyone else! It's just certain groups who are politically motivated are trying to put all the focus on white history as if they're the only ones who have ever done anything wrong. Sounds like you guys have done a great job raising him, and thanks. =)

@Lilu The only reason I think he's avoiding it is because he actively reads books. He's been reading novels since he was little, so it's not foreign to him. I'm not much of a book reader but I enjoy audio books, which triggered me to get him a copy of Thomas Sowell's book.

Thank you. I try my best and the older I get, the more I understand how influential I am in his development as his father.

1

Racism is, in my opinion, simply unfounded, ignorant pride. Holding the view that one is better than others simply because he/she was born a certain color, without any choice in the matter, does not seem to be the way toward enlightenment. Rather, it is an obstacle to be overcome, because all people seem to think they are right about everything they think, which is obviously, incorrect. Truth is not achieved by lying to oneself. Racism is just another delusion that keeps people stuck in the rut that inhibits their true growth toward spiritual oneness with the Creator.

Yes, it is possible to not be racist. Most people seem to be infected with the problem, however, which they are invited to overcome. It seems to require a rare level of humility and focus upon reality that seems to be uncommon. Your post suggests you have both! May God bless you and your search for Truth!

dmatic Level 8 July 24, 2020

I must admit that when the word racism comes to mind I don’t usually think of it in terms of the actual definition of the word, but rather in the sense of making the conscious decision to favour your own, not necessarily at the expense of others, but before others as you would put your own child’s need before others, in order to preserve your language and culture. I think this is why I am having difficulty understanding why racism is bad. Pride seems to sometimes lead to negative outcomes, but I’m not sure there is anything inherently wrong with pride but rather that it’s the energy or intent the person carries when they are being prideful. For example, is the pride I have in my art the same as a lawyer who is proud of winning a case for their client knowing they were guilty?

@Lilu Good question. Not sure what the definition of smugness is, but, your lawyer may get bitten by it someday, whereas, being happy with your work may simply bring contentment. The old saying "Pride goeth before a fall" comes to mind, however.

@dmatic “Pride goeth before a fall”. As it so happens, my partner and I were contemplating this very idea while we were out and about this evening! Is there such a thing as benign pride where having to much of it won’t necessarily lead to destruction? Or is all pride problematic?

@Lilu Pride in others and their accomplishments is probably benign, and even beneficial, I would think. Pride in the amazing attributes of God would also be awe inspiring.

1

I’m an Aussie and I live in the UK. My sister married a mixed race guy and because of that was refused naturalisation first her children because of the white Australia policy that was in force at the time. I cannot bear these new sanctimonious cretins in Australia living the lie that they give a shit about the injustices for the black man just look around at the aboriginal population and how they are demonised instead of focusing all the attention on the USA who like the uk have managed fair integration of all without any policies the bar entry on the whole. Perhaps the comparison of indigenous mistreatment is a weak one but let’s face it I think we can understand these nations being pissed off when we crashed the party I believe that cancel culture in part is for plausible deniability and cancelling their perception of the past is like playing peekaboo with a baby. In England we all live together and apart from some particular arseholes we allow you to love who you want and no one gives a shit. We all have sad stories to tell and owe it to ourselves not to play the victim game otherwise we are handing all the power to the perpetrator who are the very people who want to subjugate us.

I am truly sorry for you but having lived in aus I can’t say I’m surprised also they seemed of another generation who were of their time like we are now and those same people have helped attitudes to change rather than now where we seem to be heading into the fucking twilight zone

No need to feel sorry, it’s the past and although I felt bad in that moment it’s not something that bothers me today. 🙂 Something I read reminded me of my experience and it got me wondering if racism is really a bad thing and if it is even possible not to be racist since it seems like we might have preferential leanings towards others who are more like us. Maybe it’s subconscious?

@Lilu your right being subconsciously racist makes it all okay because I can’t help the skin I was born into. I’ve been re educated into not giving a fuck about being called a racist thank you

@M1959 I disagree I have many black friends that I care about and they for me and as for your opinion on mixed race that would mean I would have to hate and bully children simply for the preferences of their parents and that I will have no part of.

@M1959 I have to say that I had to look up this word but as I understand it seems to refer to inter racial coupling. Unless this is obligatory I cannot see how it could ever be only by consent through preference and any issue born of that preference would assumably bear the sins of the father so to speak. It would therefore follow that this issue, this offspring would bear the wrath of this word and to repeat my previous comment I will have no part in the bullying or hatred of children-adolescents-adults born of the preferences of their parents. Hell but what do I know I’m white so I’m a racist

@M1959 amen to that

@M1959 by the way you have to give it to the way me and you are the only people arguing about this victims seeking rhetorich

@CHFandango I think the point of something being subconscious is that you can’t control it otherwise it would be a conscious action, thought, feeling, whatever.

The point I was trying to make is that 1. It doesn’t matter what your skin tone is, you are capable of being “racist” and 2. That all I hear these days is that white people are racist and that if you’re a POC you’re not capable of racism because it’s a “white people thing” which it clearly is not.

Also the White Australia policy ended in 1973 and people here have the freedom to be who they want to be including who they want to be with. Australia today is very different to the Australia of your time.

@CHFandango I think the point of something being subconscious is that it is not something that you can control, otherwise it would be conscious. So even though you may make the conscious choice to put your own child’s and families wellbeing before others, the choice is made by an unconscious bias.

I have observed different types of what is considered “racism” however it seems like it is nothing more than having a preference for your own group, as you do your own kids and family, while the other is actual hate. Which is why I pose the question, is racism really wrong? And I would say that when it is connected with feelings of hate for someone that yes, most would agree that is wrong.

But often we see and call racist and apply negative connotations to something that is no different to you favouring our own children and family ahead of others, which is an unconscious bias I think everyone has and that isn’t inherently bad, it’s the hate in the individual that results in the negative outcome or experience. It just seems like we’re often confusing racism that is an unconscious bias like the kind you have for your own kids and family with the kind of racism that is actually hateful.

This is just something that I have been contemplating. I’m not actually saying that it is or isn’t, It’s just a question I’ve asked myself and am interested to know what others think.

Also, the “White Australia” policy ended in 1973, so the Australia you remember is very different to the Australia that I grew up and currently live in.

@Lilu I haven’t bothered to read this to be honest and I can only state “behold the field in which I grow my fucks, lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shall see that it is barren”

@CHFandango That’s a shame. Because I think you’ve misunderstood what I’ve been saying. But, emotions get in the way of reason sometimes so it’s totally understandable. 😉

@Lilu again behold my field of fucks

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