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On Being, "Conflicted" About a Certain, "Question."

Someone close to someone close to me - a de facto inlaw - 's parent now, nearing the the final point every life cycle must reach. Sad reality we all get to endure.

Now, this person is as decent (as in considerate, responsible, caring, strong, & every other admiring word you can think of) a person I've ever known or ever will know; and I have personally benefitted immensely by her graces toward me.

That said, she is not, "of my kind" and is, a member of the one a certain question talked about. I've talked about it A LOT myself. And my opinion of it based on evidence, and certainly not politically correct.

Distinguishing the person from the "tribe" DOES cause me difficulty. Great difficulty. She's on her way today to her father's hospice bed and all that sad reality includes. I phoned a message (she's in flight across country) and left some words, heartfelt ones. And as soon as I hung up I felt a hypocrite.

My words were true but my opinion unchanged. I wonder if others here, the same conflict?

Furthermore, I've kinda actually be saved medically by a doctors (actually more than one) Jewish too.

I guess this comment my own mea culpa - life does have its knots we get tangled in.
Peace to us all tho ... and especially today, this beautiful person, her Dad & all their loved ones.

Thank you for reading if you have to here & any of your own ways of dealing with appreciated ...

JATW 6 Oct 9
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I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're doing well.

Walking the line between the individual and the collective is extremely difficult. I don't believe you've acted hypocritically. The issue of tribal politics does not trump your friendship or your lifelong validation of her character.

One of the biggest problems with the cultural identity in question is that it goes well beyond religion into race, ethnicity, culture and politics. Their teachings and customs make it nearly impossible to differentiate those who reject their tribe's ethnosupremacy from those who embrace it. Those who may dislike it (or be unaware of it) in private are often coerced by popular culture and the victim complex of their own ingroup to defend those responsible for horrific crimes. Culture is a vast network of doctrine, incentives and fear. It's true that your friend may have been deceived by some of these ideas.

What is all this to say? It boils down to our inability to trust the good intention of people belonging to certain tribes without exhaustive vetting. It means that when interacting with one in the wild its statistically likely that they have been indoctrinated with a worldview harmful to the survival of our people. Your friendship, as fulfilling as it was, doesn't detract from the harmful nature of the culture and identity of the tribe.

All this certainly does not mean that you may not be friends with a good person because you don't want their tribe ruling over yours. It does not mean that you have to disregard your years of experience with someone you care about. It does not mean that they did not care for you even if they were indoctrinated with some tangentially harmful ideas.

As for the doctors, I can't say. They were doing their jobs. That alone doesn't make a person good. For instance, if they refused to perform certain mutilating rituals common to current medical practice I'd laud them no matter who they are. People can do both wonderfully good and horrifically evil things, but good and evil do not cancel each other out. They both stand forever, separate and distinct.

I hope this helps, though it just as likely clouded the matter as clarified it.