Perhaps this was a bad idea, (starting a blog) I’ve been sitting trying to think what to write about and keep drawing a blank. whereas before I could find a topic and be flooded with ideas the pot now seems drained. where once I could without shame talk edgeless at the limit of my knowing with confidence all be it at times undeserved- I now cannot. I miss that being able to talk, I guess I used to use that as an escape. So, I am back to the old problem what to talk about in my new blog. Could I get away with wringing about how I can’t write any more. I am stuck wondering if I would prefer being stuck with Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. I mean to I miss being ignorant!
As Seneca wrote in his letters I write to you dear redder, form is as important as content, the perfection of wisdom is what makes for a life. Elron Hubbard writes to cultivate the intellect, I say these things will save a life only after it destroys a life. That is the nature of creation I suppose you have to destroy or overcome the self to rebuild the self, while it is hard work and rather depressing at times wisdom is worth it. I just wish I could have seen myself sooner overcome my self sooner because that is the pain the seeing of myself in that past. Part of me thinks its folly to look to past yet it is the only way to overcome the self. Objects in the mirror are only ever seen in the past.
It was such as poem The Man In The Glass that helped, me through (not saying I got what I wanted in life) “your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you've cheated the man in the glass.” It shook me to my core; I began to imagen looking at myself on my death bed what kind of life would I be looking back on I didn’t like what I would be seeing. A life of being mad at people pretending I was smarter than I am and in general not living my best life while thinking I had it made and that I was super smart. Which in hindsight I never thought I thought but I did indeed. No one could tell me otherwise once I had made up my mind, I had made up my mind. Often, I was wrong but could never see it not until recently.
This revelation when I was talking to ward in hospital, an overweight clout of a man that bullied the patients at hospital because he thought he could get away with it- it being a mental hospital. (in one of three incidents.) As anyone that has ever studied any form of science, I told him that all science came from philosophy, or as it was called natural philosophy. To which the person replied “that’s just your opinion” I said it was not that it was a fact before empiricism the study of the natural world was called natural philosophy it was from this study modern science was born. He replied that he studied the history of science and that I was wrong, he also inserted that Isaac Newton was Physicist when he and according to his work Principia Mathematica called himself a Natural Philosopher. I tried to explain this to the offish nurse that would up making me feel crazy until I fact checked myself I was indeed right, this man refused to accept he was wrong. I finally saw what I was like, I finally felt how I made others feel and I felt ashamed! I get fits of anxiety thinking about things and remerging. But I guess that is the wisdom of not looking back to much, an art ill need master. The future is Infront of me not behind but only in learning form the past can I make sure it does not happen again.
The thing to understand about these people, well speaking for myself at least. I am we are damage people or at least I will chose to believe such as the bully is just someone asking for help while his/her ego gets in the way. To all those people, you first have to help yourself, you have to be ready to become the best version of yourself. If you need it ask for help in the antithesis of one’s former behaviour. While yes, the world will hurt you, stamp all over you and kick you while your down like that nurse did to me, like I have done to others change starts with the self. The art is to be unfazed by the world it can do as pulses just do not be like it. (The stoics had good advice I hope talk more in depth about Stoicism in the future.)
Look at that I found something to talk about. There is though so much more to talk about in the word all over the world change is happening, dealing with it all for me is a task and half. To deal and talk about it all Apolitically is something I don’t yet understand how to do, however if we want a different world it all starts with changing yourself not the world.

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