JOE BIDEN PLAYS “WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE”

Game Host: Welcome back to the final round of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” with tonight’s contestant, President Joe Biden. Well, Joe, here is your final question for one million dollars. You have missed them all so far, but the network says to give you a pass. All you have to do is answer this question correctly, and the money is yours. Your final question is, “What major cultural group of people lives in Ukraine.

Joe Biden: That’s a tough one. You must be a wise guy for asking that. I’m going to reach out to Kamala Harris. She’s good at making any question simplistic. “So, Kamala, what do you think?”

Kamala Harris: “Well, Joe, Ukraine is a small country in Europe on the border of a much bigger country above it, Russia. ‘Adidas’ is the smallest name up there. And its next to two bigger names. But the one above it is ‘Uranians,’ so that must be the Russian people. So I am going to say ‘Adidas’ are the people of Ukraine.”

“Thanks, Kamala. That’s helpful. If I follow Obama’s advice, that eliminates A and B as being possible right answers. That leaves me with C and D. I think D was thrown it there just to throw me off. It’s too much like the name of the country. I am going to pick C, Iranians.

Host: Ooh, so close, Mr. President. The correct answer is Ukrainians. That was a tough question. Too bad.

Joe Biden: You dog-faced pony soldier. I can call them anything I want to call them. You can’t fool me. In my State of the Union address, I am going to say that Putin can’t capture the hearts and minds of the Iranian people. So there! Then you’ll have to give me the money.