My friend has a son with down syndrome. The term retarded applies to him. So if he heard someone referring to an act of stupidity, as 'being a retard', then he must assume you think he does stupid things. Even though he doesn't.

@AdamRoycroft Do medical professions refer to him as a retard though? In all my life in the UK I never heard of any actual sufferer of downs or other such conditions referred to as a retard. And I have never associated the term with downs myself.

It is unrealistic for society at large to identify with the very specific concerns felt by any of many groups defined by the challenges they face. We are hard wired to understand our own concerns and those of those close to us. If such concerns aren't in our inner circle, then we might never take them seriously, without any malice or offense intended. The opposition to that would be that we all have a duty to learn and grow and not deliberately cause offense to others, but to counter that again, how could any of us judge where each supposedly offensive individual is on that learning journey?

A smart and empathetic young person with a family and circle that encourages them to open their minds and introduces them to people with all sorts of concerns, might reach that level at age 16, and never be heard calling anyone a retard (or making a joke about Nigerians, or alleging that women belong in the kitchen etc). Whereas a kid with bad parents and the kind of peers that just laugh at everything might not reach that level of understanding until aged 30 if at all.

To me, language is what it means to you in your circle. Had my circle involved a friend or family member with downs, 'retard' might not have been acceptable vocabulary, but in a circle where no such concerns exist, there are any number of insults we all throw at each other which don't hit home in any controversial way because they have never been that relevant to our lives. All such insults are based on some sort of perceived negative quality, be it stupidity, weight, appearance, odour - any insults derived from any of those factors it could also be argued are offensive to some who have one of those relevant factors affecting their or their family's lives. Were we to draw lines on all those potential insults too, then we have a lot of social policing of speech.

It is also, I would argue, a fact of human mental growth that we all at some stage ridicule or look down on that which we don't understand. While that shouldn't be encouraged (and most of us do grow out of it), it is a largely inevitable factor in the characters of a great many of us, especially when young, so I am loathe to ever call anyone out or judge them on their lexical transgressions (though to be clear I am not implying that you are doing so)

I agree that anything you say or do will have a reaction, but the word retard is not comparable to to the n-word. I would say that the taboo surrounding the n-word has actual merit, as it was used derogatorily to define a race as inferior, whereas retard is used to describe a medical deficiency, or to call your friends idiots.

I am a fan of politesse, yet I agree, people are way too sensitive. Too many fragile egos running rampant.

It is all in the use... we already use “special needs” as an insult to normal people.

How is it comparable to the N word? The N word was used derogatorily towards a group, whereas retard has several technically correct usages in the vocabulary, plus is used to describe a medical condition.

@Marcus_Aurelius the word "
Retard" is in no part medical (at least not in any even slightly modern way)... it is a derogative of the word Retarded (as in Mental Retardation, and Retarded)... just as the N word is a derogative of the word Negro (Negroid)... and as to the other uses, such as to retard timing of an engine... I did not get the impression the topic was looking that direction when the question was posed.... and I doubt anyone is complaining about using it in that way...

@Toto Should the word imbicile be held to the same status then, since it held the same status to describe the same condition before the word retard? It can be used in many similar situations, apart from describing being slow or late. And what about the new term, mentally disabled? It can also be used derogatorily? I will also repeat that it is a word that is in no way compatible to the n word. The N word (at the risk of sounding like an sjw), was used derogatorily to racially marginalize, and denigrate black people, whereas retard is not, and there is no historical evidence of it being used that way, at least that I'm aware of. When the word is used offensively, to the mentally disabled, it is usually done by kids, and teenagers who poorly educated, or simply ignorant, all of which can be corrected.

The discussion is surrounding the word and all of its usages, as some people do get offended even when the word is used in other contexts.

@Marcus_Aurelius I believe you would find that the people and famililies of those suffering from the disability in question would say that the term is every bit as derogatory... I know you would never use it in this day without expecting discipline... as to imbecile, that term is an outdated medical term.. retard is not..

@Marcus_Aurelius by the way, you will not find the term mentally disabled in use professionally... although it does crop up now and then because it is just a lot easier than things like differently able...

@Toto As you admitted above retard is short hand for mentally retarted, which is a descriptor of someone who suffers from Mental Retardation, which is also known as General learning disability and Intellectual disability. The historic terms which are out of use are imbecile and moron. These all are and/or were terms that were used in the field of Psychiatry.

I would never walk up to a mentally disabled person and insult them for having there disability, even if provoked. Just so you know. And I am not advocating for going around saying retard everywhere, I think the taboo, and cultural sensitivity surrounding the word is moronic.

You can find people who can find any number of things offensive, and perhaps when dealing with them, individually, certain special conduct ought to be considered. The issue is that avoiding the offence of the minority is at the hindrance of the majority, and for the specific case of the word retard, it isn't worth creating a taboo around, because the word has so much utility, it will just be replaced by something else, and then that by the next "less offensive term". As a tactic I would also avoid suggesting that you can hold offence on behalf of people who might hypothetically be offended, as what you will wind up doing, if you truly wish to uphold this principle, is socially policing social interactions everywhere you go.

And again, imbicile and moron, had the same use, and were considered just as offensive, hypothetically meaning that this taboo creation around the term retard will be short term anyway, and will be considered far less offensive in the future, because of the lack of stigma. I use the word moron all the time, I hear it often in common parlance, nobody cares, yet it was supposedly disparaging the same way retard is currently. So if the taboo surrounding the word retard will only last about a generation, what is the point of the taboo?

Let's say I called someone a cancerous individual, would the fact that I use the term cancerous be me disparaging people who have cancer?
If I say to someone, hey mon frère, you are aids, this is this denigrating people with aids?

@Toto And again, It still doesn't have the same historical baggage as the N word.

@Marcus_Aurelius you are clearly having a problem understanding the difference between "retard" and retarded... they are not the same... any more than the N word is the same as negro... the word retard has never in my lifetime (54 years) been an acceptable way for any professional to refer to someone with a mental handicap... it has only been used in the past to dehumanize a person to the level of his/her abilities... or labeling them as their condition... so I must agree to disagree...peace..

in 30 plus years I have seen the term used for people with different mental abilities change at least 4 times... when I started working at the Abilene State School in TX back in the late 80's, it was correct to say mentally retarded, but even then you would not have used the word retard to describe someone except in a derogatory way...

@Toto reminds me of coloured/person of colour. How on earth can one be offensive but not the other, and how can every no POC be expected to know that if it doesn't affect them personally

@hariseldon you are very correct, and your example points it out rather well. Because I am 50+ years old, I can say "black" without offending anyone except the SJW, although even I have switched to African American (or persons of color... although I always find that term odd... I keep thinking blue or green... or something)... speech is a product of the age it comes from... I once (about 10 years ago) had an African American (who would now be about 70) tell me how much she hated the younger generation using the word "Nigga" in an almost complimentary way... she said she would wash their mouths out in her house for that kind of talk...

@Toto interesting. I will add that the idea that other ethnicities are expected to grow up listening to rap music with that word repeated over and over, and yet somehow intuitively understand that they are not allowed to say it, is at best unrealistic and at worst impossible.

@hariseldon and maybe the fact is that the younger generation is putting the yoke on themselves...