Not sure if any of you saw - but Tomi Lahren uploaded to Facebook a 15 minute discussion/rant about men and male behaviour. She made some fairly negative comments about men as a whole, and I'm interested to hear what everyone thought of it?
Here's a snippet: [twitter.com]
Apparently I can't post the video here, so apologies for that! But the link above is to a snippet from the full video.
I'm older than you & Tomi so I can't comment on how men your age are really. I do know how my peers were when we were your age and also how my nephews and other men in my family are and I don't see much of what Tomi is talking about. Yes, there are those dudes right, but most men are not what she describes.
I think when it comes to dating, who we choose and HOW we choose them ultimately leads either to relative success or disappointment. She's a political/media celebrity and she's obviously very attractive. My question to her is, what is she actually insisting upon in her assessment of a possible mate?
I believe the more superficial we are, the less quality we're going to get. I say that from experience and I think it should be obvious. But for some reason, we all want someone that winds us up, twists us around, and blows our mind right? It's inevitable then, the outcome when that's what drives us.
There are plenty of good men, and good women out there. Meeting them can be hard, and frankly it's predictable that marriages fail half the time (my own included sadly). I think it's likely she's looking & trying too hard. Chill out, have some fun while you're young & single. He or she will come around when you least expect it.
Sydney, none of this is directed at you if you are one of her friends. Based on your IG and YouTube you appear to be very confident and down to earth.
Damn, it clear that all the men are the entire problem in her and her super social, super successful, super gorgeous, super talented squad.
I'm going to have to listen to the full video again. I stopped regularly watching her stuff a couple years ago because she has no other level than "angry pitbull."
From the initial viewing I can tell that she has been burned a couple or more times in relationships. (I did notice that the engagement ring is missing.) Everyone gets burned at some point but what many, including Tomi, seem to over look is that some times those that are burn were the ones that touched the fire.
(I was going to break down each one of her bullets but I'm goung to let the response flow)
One of her first points is correct. If you are looking for a relationship then had better be single.
[I'm researching her rant, I mean motivational seminar, again so that I don't miss anything. Give me a sec, this video is making my eye bleed.]
Value value... (Insert kitten meme here). Find someone of value. So she says that all jobs are valuable but then she says that her, and her gorgeous go-getter friends, are above the "Thotiannas." This is essentially Meghan Trainor song 'All About That Bass' in FB live form. In the song she says size shaming is wrong but then bashes skinny girls. Either the "Thotiannas" are just as valuable as Tomi's perfectly angelic crew or all jobs are not of equal value. Also, before insulting the value of one group by saying they are only valued because of their beauty, remeber that many people believe Tomi only made it because she was a pretty face.
Maybe the old we guys don't want The Plastic because they see that she and her clique Value their value WAY TOO MUCH. Maybe, just maybe, the guys that are established want someone that's ambitious but doesn't scream "look at me!!! I'm hot, my friends are hot, I'm ambitious!!!! Look at my ambition."
And her Pro tip of not being a bitch... Uhhhhhhmmmm. I'll leave that there.
Sometimes, one must take the advice they are giving and turn it back on themselves.
Dating can be annoying as hell. I will freely admit that I have made mistakes and I have also been blindsided by the end of a relationship. The blindside hit I took was a crushing blow... I'm sure we have all had those. But one thing I will never do is blame ALL women because of past relationships. One of my best friends is a woman that I dated for several years. That ending was tough but it all worked out. Each relationship gives us pieces to a puzzle that we may or may not solve. Tomi seems to be demanding that the guy does everything and they are at the whim of her and the other Plastics. If one demands 100% then they best offer 100% in return.
It seems that women and men like her always focus on the negative aspects of a group. It's sad because she doesnt know how to communicate with others and therefore, doesnt have any meaningful relationships. Instead of looking inward and finding out how to better herself, she wants to blame others. It is the victim mentality all over again.
***Sadly, I a lot of guys don't know how to treat a woman anymore. In fact, a lot of guys hadn't for many years. But there are still some guys who does know how to treat a lady.
*BUT, there are so very many women who CLAIMS that they want to be treated like a lady, but when they come across a guy who will treat them as such, that guy gets snubbed off. I am 50 years old, and my whole life I have always felt that ALL women are to be treated like a lady. I have been rejected more times than I can count because of it. And I am still single because of it, and will always be single because I refuse to treat a woman in a way that doesn't bring her honor. ****
That clip is not much to go on, but I get the impression of a young woman who is trying to navigate the typical trials of heterosexual dating. Trying to understand people who sometimes seem like a completely different species is not easy, and there are people out there (of both sexes) who are genuinely not nice people. Some people seem to have a real knack for choosing those not nice people to date. It would not surprise me in the slightest if that describes Tomi Lahren.
As I mentioned, it sometimes seems almost as if men and women are different species, so, as a man, I may be misreading the situation. What do you think, Sydney? Am I in the ballpark?
I would like to see the full video... Anyone know of where I could find it other than Facebook?
I suspect she has a very high opinion of herself, and is focusing on men she thinks are equally attractive/desirable. They might get as similar a feeling about her as she does about them. I suppose it's fine to have high standards, but not to let them blind one's self to the other, more important and enduring (not to mention endearing) attributes people have.
Well Sydney, I would say that it's both men and women.
Women believe that because they are smart, attractive and successful that it will lead them to a better man. This is contrary to reality because women like this are likely have more masculine traits and tend to detract from what most men are interested. It's the reason why CEOs can marry their assistants, they don't care about a woman's income. Successful women like Tomi have a hard time because they keep approaching dating like a job interview and equating their success to the partner they are with. Women don't typically date down economically, so their pick of the liter are either REALLY attractive men or really successful men.
Really attractive men won't like women like Tomi for the most part because they are men that are at the top of the food chain, they can choose whoever they want...so why would they want a woman that doesn't actually need them for anything and has an alpha personality? He would much rather pick a woman that is capable of taking care of herself, beautiful and feminine.
Now, the problem with men that she is correct about is that men are being feminized. With the growing number of men in single mother households, they are being taught a female version of masculinity. The female version of masculinity is not measured or balanced. They display the tendencies of timid women because they are uncomfortable with their natural ability to use masculinity. Everyone says that masculinity is toxic and feminists preach bastardized versions of masculinity.
With this said, the men that enter the dating market are short term minded, sex driven and see women as ways to validate their existence because their mother was their world, now they need a new women to legitimize themselves. The most toxic of men will go from woman to woman to refill his need to feel good about himself rather than accepting himself.
So... she has shitty experiences with men and suddenly she's blaming all men on her and other women's situations? A lot of men are douchebags, a lot of women are douchebags-- but setting an opinion of 4 billion people on the planet in stone because of those few arseholes... that's just childish.
If she has that kind of attitude and personality, I'm pretty sure she's the problem, not the blokes.
I am much older that Tomi and out of the dating business for a long time, but perhaps I can provide some insight. I feel for Tomi, she seems to be a nice woman with political views to my taste. If I could give her advice directly, this would be it:
"Your priorities are wrong. Your approach to getting a life partner is wrong. You do not understand why "Successful and attractive women" are not top priority for women. Getting a particular man is not a job interview or an aptitude test, or some sort of contest. Rather it is finding a partner you can share your life with because you care deeply for one another. As a man I learned the hard way that the most important aspect of a woman as a potential wife is: Does she care for you? Is it important for her that you are happy? Do you sincerely care for her? Is it important for you that she is happy with you? A lot has to be for this to happen. But potential income or even beauty is not part of them. To marry a partner solely because of his/her income or sex appeal is subjecting yourself into a living hell.
When I was young I thought that if I accomplish a large income I should have no problem getting a wife. I also turned down women who cared for me because they where not attractive enough. If you want to tell me that at the time I was an idiot do not bother: I cannot explain even to myself how I could have been so stupid.
Being successful is nice (here in Israel two salaries are pretty a must) perhaps essential, but it is not the heart of the matter. Too much is made these days about careers. For the vast majority of people work is not much more than a likelihood, doing something for . If you are doing something you find interesting or fun, you are lucky. Few are the people who become senior scientists or achieve power. I very rarely envy those who do.
Being attractive? A long time I realized that that the most beautiful woman in the world is of no good whatsoever for you if she does not care for you and identify with you.
What you should do is look for a man who is what you want and treats you the way you want and that you are or can be the woman he wants and treats him the way he wants. This actually happens! But NOT very often. When it does, the couple goes bananas over each other, I can usually tell when I see such a couple. Remember that is is very individual. Whats good for you may not be good for the next woman, what is good for the next woman may not be the best for you. It is all about character and values. NOTHING ELSE. If you find such a guy, you have it made. Do not waste your time on guys you cannot care for or cannot care for you."
It is not men, it's not women. It's a breakdown of social norms. Men can't be men, women can't be women. The roles are jumbled, you tread lightly, you don't connect. Fear, being called a sexist or man hater. Get slapped enough you get mad and lash out or you give up.
Well, I can only speak for myself and what I've seen and experienced. To a certain point I agree. For myself I've been single now since I graduated highschool ,it's been 8 years and one real date and a couple of rejections(it is what it is ,everyone has their reasons). Personally I am picky but that statement also stems from my environment and what I'm exposed to. I live in an urban area and my values are frowned upon. Ultimately the blame should go on me for to an extent, but to say thats the only factor wouldn't be entirely accurate. I am for the most part ...Introverted , I would prefer to say observant and reserved however . I keep to myself and as ( i don't know if it would be proper direct this a your question or the reader) Sydney pointed out, I do allow the Idea if I am forward that I am being a degenerate or inaproperiate,which we know isn't true. Regardless in today's day age if the other party's "perception" is negative it has repercussions that can affect your lively hood, and that mentality has come at the cost of interaction with others.( And while this is true it's in extreme cases of Psycho.)
As for other men I've dealt with and seen( again "urban" ) mostly scum and thats the city(and yes I am aware other areas like towns have bad people too). The values are based in screwing people(sexually, morally and financially) and getting what you can for free. If you make bad decisions and become a societal fuck up you get rewarded for it and it's wrong. It encourages negative values. That applies to both men and women. People are people and you may disagree but in my experience I have dealt with more bad than good. As for the pussification of the nation , my generation and the following have degraded,not with out exception but none the less generally degraded.
I think it comes down to sifting through the mud to find the one. For her maybe relocation ,I don't know her, my only impression of her is about 57 seconds long. It seems more like venting because of a recent bad experience or line of experiences . I guess what i'm saying is I'm not bad, Lol. Just reasonable and aware, risk vs reward.
I am a single man in my 40s that has little dating experience and it is women like Tomi Lahren and her friends that make me glad to not bother with dating any more, if that is the best that is out there these days. I know and have the pleasure of being friends with several women who are wonderful people. The women that I was lucky enough to date were much better people than she is showing herself to be in this rant. If she feels this way about men, then perhaps she should date one of her friends.
I used to watch Tomi, but awhile back she seemed like she went off the deep-end. She now just sounds self-centered and full of herself. I DO NOT agree with most of what she said. Men CAN be rude and bad and wrong; but so can women. In fact, I am shocked at how awful young women have become. I usually side with a man's point of view on most (but not all) things - IF they are sane men. I have watched most of your videos and am very like-minded; I would DEFINITELY agree with you Sydney over her!