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guru

New South Wales, Australia

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Sep 8, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

My dad said he'll kick me out for stealing from his kitchen Well that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

When a man with authority walks into a bar.. He orders everyone a round.

A truck carrying Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway, but amazingly traffic was fine. No congestion for hours!

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of Muesli? He was pulled under by a strong current.

Two windmills stood on a hill with a radio. One turned to his friend and asked, “What’s your favourite music?” The other windmill said, “I’m a big metal fan.”

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 8, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.

Dog Freaks Out By Sound of Dragging Chair And Runs Around Wildly

Katie Hopkins WATCH. And know, HUMANITY WILL PREVAIL

Hollywood Star Drops BOMB on Hillary: "I've been in a Hotel Room with Your Husband Bill"

LOL: China BANS "Girlie" Men on TV - Liberals Lose Their Minds

What’s the hardest thing about sky diving? The ground.

My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender. I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied: "Yes, that seems like ...

The employees at my bank are soo nice these days! Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!

A man crossing London Bridge sees a pretty woman struggling to keep her mini skirt down in the wind so he says : A bit airy isn't it? She replied: What the ell you expect feathers?

Man, balloons sure are getting expensive… …I guess that’s inflation for ya.

Why didn't NASA name apollo rockets with letters? Because if Apollo F crashed with all it's crew, they would have to make an Apollo G.

Wife: "Do you want me to tie you up tonight?" Husband: " No. I do knot."

Never buy Drugs from a volleyball player They bump the price up Set the location And spike there product

New Report PROVES Fauci Committed Perjury, Rand Paul Proven Right About Gain of Function Research

Former Trump Advisor Jason Miller DETAINED Brazilian Feds, Democrats CHEER In Sign Of Cold Civil War

SAVING OUR BABIES Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep 169

The Katie's Arms -- 7 September. Live. Laugh. Love

Chaos at the Lake: Fails of the Week (July 2020) | FailArmy

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ below 70? A politician.

So what's a Squirrels favorite seasoning? Nutmeg.

So what do you call it when a dock falls on you? Pier pressure.

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

What's a pickle's favorite game show? Let's Make A Dill

I was really struggling to get my wife's attention.... So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.

Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist... but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

So I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm fine, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

What color is the wind? Blew.

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 7, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

Old People Being Clumsy For 8 Minutes Straight 😂

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 6, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

Welcome to Comedy, Laughs and Humor.@avalonas

Lockdowns will do 'more harm than good' once 80 per cent target met

The Covid-wall KILLING livelihoods in the name of health down under

The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies... It'll be known as the National Elf Service.

A man named Bart walks into a bar The bartender shoots him immediately

Somebody asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like well damn.

So a patient runs into a doctor’s surgery yelling out: “I’m shrinking! I’m shrinking! What should I do?” The doctor replies: “you are just going to have to be a little patient.”

I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew. I call it the Goulashnikov.

My son asks me "Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?" and I reply, "Yes son, the sky is pretty blue."

Who sent Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel a friend request on Facebook Darkness.

So why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum? Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Katie Hopkins: Asking the awkward questions.

Being Anonymous Online May Become ILLEGAL In Australia!

'Callous brutality' of governments will come back to 'haunt them'

New Zealand Stores "Temporarily" BAN KNIVES After Attack!

Dumb 💩, the Commiefornia edition pt. 2.

So my wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor. More on this after the break.

Popeye is seen as iconic in America but how is he viewed in Finland? Oh, he's strong to the Finnish...

AOC went to buy a Pizza, Chef asked her, would you like it cut into 4 or 8 slices.? AOC replied, 4 please, there is no way I could possibly eat 8 slices.

Did you hear about the rock that faced it's greatest fear? It is now a little boulder.

What’s worse than a bull in a China shop? A hedgehog in a condom factory.

The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach. I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead. I thought "Well, that took a tern."

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 6, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

"No forced entry," the detective mused. "That means it could only be .... the piano player!" Everyone gasped and turned towards the mild-mannered entertainer. "He's the only one who has all the keys!"

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 6, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 6, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

Why did AOC bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 6, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog.

The Biden Administration WANTS to Humiliate America on the World Stage

Judge STRIPS Child From Mother For Being Unvaccinated, Vaccine Mandate Protests ERUPT All Over U.S.

How Intentional Were the Biden Admin's Disastrous Actions in Pulling out of Afghanistan?

Katie Hopkins: Ladies. Listen to this angel. You have to love yourself

‘Swampy’ Joe Biden is ‘heavily controlled’

Biden Discusses 5-Month Booster Shots For Covid-19 Vaccine

Globalization Is Toxic, Trying To Globalize American Ideas Leads To Debacles Like Afghanistan

San Francisco officials paying people not to shoot each other is 'positive'

Katie Hopkins: Try and just be yourself. You know. Like me

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 5, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

Welcome to Comedy, Laughs and Humor.@Dunderhead

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 4, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

Welcome to Comedy, Laughs and Humor.@rodhendricks

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 4, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

I'm so poor I was kicking a can across the street and was asked what I was doing and I said moving.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I'm still employed. I just can't remember where.

Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.

Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

Only after getting married you realise that those husband-wife jokes were not just jokes.

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

Where does a fish go to borrow money? The loan shark!

A procrastinator's work is never done.

Social Cohesion Is COMPLETELY Shattered, Leftists Only Have The Illusion Of It

Modern Woke Rage Is NOT Vastly Different Than Anti-Segregation Activism In The Civil Rights Era

Fans FURIOUS Comedy Central Has Removed Hilarious Episode Of 'The Office' For Not Being Woke Enough

Hitting birds is illegal and you get a big fine, I learned this when I kicked a pelican... I ended up footing a massive bill.

I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!

Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.

Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn't sure about it, so the salesman told me to go away and sleep on it.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 4, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

A mate said he saw several elderly men repairing shoes in the back of a van. I reckon it's a load of old cobblers

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 4, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Sep 4, 2021Sep 2021

Posted by guru

Sometimes I wake up grumpy and other times I let her sleep.

Start-Up Company Has The CURE For Critical Theory, This Is What REAL Actual Anti-Racism Is

The Biggest Secret Behind Most Wars

Katie Hopkins SKID ROW life

Survey Finds More Than 80% Of Americans May Have Covid IMMUNITY, Naturally Or Via Vaccination

Conservatives Were RIGHT, Repeat Offender Charged With 5 Felonies For Exposing Privates At Wi Spa

SHOCKINGLY Bad Jobs Report Shows Biden Plan Is Failing, Economists Predict Global Economic Meltdown

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Joined Sep 28th, 2020
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