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guru

New South Wales, Australia

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Mar 25, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like.. ..”OMg”

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called brightness, but it doesn’t work!

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 25, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

The statement below is true. The statement above is false.

I would make another chemistry joke but all good ones ARGON!

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a ...

A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says “make me one with everything.” The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his box, and closes the lid. “Where’s my change?” the monk asks. The vendor ...

What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”

JLP | Biden Plans to Massively "Re-engineer" America

BIDEN’S BRAIN Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep54

A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother.

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.

The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.

Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

North Korea launches 2 ballistic missiles into Sea of Japan

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Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 25, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Ozzy Man Reviews: Pakistan Rollerblading Police

Biden Plans Rapidly Re-Engineering America In Secret Meeting, Democrats Plan MASSIVE Far Left Push

Katie Hopkins: You couldn't bloody make it up if you tried

Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.

I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.

One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.

What’s a frog’s favorite type of shoes? Open toad sandals.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 24, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.

Stimulus Checks Show Conflict Is About CLASS, Race Is Used As A Tool To DIVIDE Americans

THE GREAT EXCUSE Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep53

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Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?

Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

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Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 24, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.

2 comments

The Greatest Music Ever Made, Ever Played.

Mar 24, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Janis Joplin - Try (Just a Little Bit Harder) (1969)

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The Greatest Music Ever Made, Ever Played.

Mar 24, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Johnny Winter - Johnny B. Goode (1970)

Yes - Yours Is No Disgrace (1971)

2 comments

HOPE, HUMANITY, ACHIEVEMENT and ENDURANCE

Mar 24, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Best of the Year 2020 | People Are Awesome

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

My father has schizophrenia, but he’s good people.

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 24, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.

How do you know when you’re going to drown in milk? When it’s past your eyes.

Why was the butter not made right away? It had to wait its churn.

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.

What are a ninja’s favorite type of shoe? Sneakers.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Pantene Promotes Transgenderism For Children

FBI Was Aware of Colorado Shooter Before the Attack

EXPLOITING THE POOR Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep52

US Joins The EU Sanctioning China Over Uyghur Abuses INFURIATING The Chinese Communist Party And Xi

Bad News For Ellen DeGeneres! Her Show Lost 1 MILLION Viewers After Investigation!

This Commercial Should be BANNED From the Internet

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet – you can hide, but you can’t run.

A little old man who’s hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can’t hear very well, he takes his wife with him. The doctor examines the man and then says, “Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm ...

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget.

And The Oscar Goes To

Them - Here Comes The Night -1965

The Nolans - I'm In the Mood for Dancing

As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought “Dogs are easily amused”, then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.

I recently decided to (get rid of) my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

My ex wife drowned in coffee. It was a terrible way to go, but I’m just glad it was instant.

When I was young my dad told me that I could be anything that I wanted. He said, the sky is the limit. That made me sad though. I wanted to be an astronaut.

What do you call the security guards outside the Samsung factory? The Guardians of the Galaxy.

I was named after my dad. Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.

What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.

Why did Mozart all his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 23, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Why does Piglet smell? Because he plays with Pooh.

Curly's Funniest Moments from 'The Three Stooges'

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 22, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Disorder In The Court | The Three Stooges

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Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 22, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

THE THREE STOOGES: Malice in the Palace (1949)

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

Moses was the first person to use Control-C as a shortcut.

I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology – don’t buy it!

If I don’t perfect human cloning, I won’t be able to live with myself.

CNN Accused Of STAGING Video of Coyote Smuggling Illegal Immigrants As Biden's Border Crisis Worsens

1 comment

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Top tags#video #biden #joebiden #democrats #youtube #media #Podcast #Police #Australia #world #China #ElonMusk #kids #truth #democrat #insane #government #comedy #climate #wife

Level9 (631,327pts)
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Joined Sep 28th, 2020
Last Visit 6+ months ago

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