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New South Wales, Australia

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Apr 2, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”

Dead Cain SLAMS Woke Hollywood in BRUTAL Interview!

2 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

“Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.’”

“This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'”

“This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?'”

“I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.”

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”

“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”

“I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”

A cop is sitting on the side of the highway when all of a sudden he sees a guy driving a truck full of penguins. Confused he pulls the truck over. “What seems to be the problem officer?” “Well you have a truck full of penguins, i’m just going...

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

What’s a pirate’s favorite sweater pattern? Arrrrr-gyle.

Project Veritas EXPOSES Horrifying Videos Of Migrants Conditions, This Is Biden's Border Crisis

TOTALITARIAN ENVY Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep59

AOC Goes FULL Hypocrite, Trump It Was A CRISIS Biden She Says There Is NO Crisis

George Floyd GF Says State Witness Is Their DEALER, Witness Then REFUSES To Testify In Chauvin Trial

A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says, "How did you do that?"

I've never owned a telescope, but they're something to look into.

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 1, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

It's not really a joke, but you will always this read wrong.

Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 1, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

Why Democrats Prefer Illegals to American Citizens

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but toucan play at that game.

There were female Gladiators. A female gladiator was called a Gladiatrix, or Gladiatrices (plural). They were rarer than their male counterparts. Gladiatrices served the same purpose of executing criminals, fighting each other, and fighting animals ...

Biden's Dog Bites ANOTHER Person, The Man Is Too Weak To Take Care of A Dog And Its SAD

AOC: Referring To ‘Surge’ Of Illegal Immigration Is ‘A White Supremacist Idea’

This Mandela Effect In Shazam Has Fans Divided

Commiefornia kids are back in school, kinda. Jiffy apop at the border!

George Floyd Should Not Be Memorialized

GOP Rep Says Vaccine Passport May Be Joe Biden's Mark Of The Beast, Some Believe Its The End Of Days

How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.

What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Leftist Accused Of Trying To CORRUPT Chauvin Trial, Judge Reprimands Woman Caught Taking Photos

ILLEGALS FIRST Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep58

Tim Pool EXPLODES On Youtube Over COMPLETE BS In Banning Steven Crowder, He DID NOT Break ANY Rules

Sacrificing A Goat For Racial Justice | Ep. 690

Katie Hopkins: When an Islamist attack bcomes a grab for patriots guns

Witches Weren't Actually Burned at the Stake In Salem The witch trials in Salem, Massachusetts, lasted between February 1692 and May 1693. Nearly 200 people were accused of practicing witchcraft, including the homeless, the elderly, and a ...

Three Stooges - Who Threw Those Pies?

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor! I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t. I’ve cut off your arms!”

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”

A man walks into a restaurant and orders helicopter flavored chips. The waiter replies, “Sorry mate! We only do plane.”

What do baby kangaroos wear when it’s cold out? Jumpsuits.

“My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.”

“Before I was born, I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body.”

Joe Biden says there's nothing men can do that women can't do just as well or better - I Disagree

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”

“Two cars crash right in front of a turtle. When asked by the police about what happened, the shocked turtle replies, “I’m not sure, it all happened so fast.”

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

“Whoever believes in telepathy, raise my hand.”

“I’m reading a book about gravity. It’s really heavy.”

“My psychiatrist told me that I have schizophrenia. I stopped seeing him because we never liked him anyways.”

“Patent: Well Doctor, everywhere I touch myself, it hurts. Doctor: Have you checked if your finger is broken?”

“Why does a Scrabble player throw letters onto the road? He tries to find out what the word is on the streets.”

Not all math puns are bad. Just sum.

My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.” I said, “Even better – we can cover more ground that way.”

An optimist will see light at the end of a tunnel and think that it’s an exit. Whereas, a pessimist will see that that it is a train coming towards him. The train conductor, will simply see two stupid guys arguing on train tracks.

What road has the most ghosts haunting it? A dead end.

How do you make fire with two sticks? Make sure one is a match.

What season is it best to go on a trampoline? Spring time.

What kind of rocks are never found in the ocean? Dry ones.

Why did the rubber chicken cross the road? She wanted to stretch her legs.

"The Hand of God" M61 20mm Vulcan Cannon

Time flies like an arrow… Fruit flies like a banana!

People Are Awesome vs. FailArmy

Children Need MAKS to Play Outside According to Dr. FAUCI

Walt Disney Is Not Cryogenically Frozen. Walt Disney died in 1966 and there is a widely spread myth that his body was cryogenically frozen in the hopes that, when technology advances enough, he'd be revived. But Disney was actually cremated and ...

Two kids rush to save people from burning Romulus apartment

People Saving Animals Heart Touching video

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. ...

A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, ‘No, let me see the next room.’ In ...

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and ...

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls ...

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers,...

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Mar 29, 2021Mar 2021

Posted by guru

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my ...

We Don’t Need Anymore Desks

Vaccine Passports Have Launched In The US, Biden Admin Says National Passport System To Launch Soon

GROPER-IN-CHIEF Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep56

MAGA Guy Draws On Antifa In Defense After They Attack And Cops Detain HIM, Media PROTECTS Antifa

Prisoner: I’m sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I’m not mad, just… disappointed. Remember, kids, never let your guard down.

I was in a bar last night. The bartender said, “I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?” I said, “Why would I want two empty glasses?”

“Hello everyone, and welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.” “I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking. But the invention of the broom swept the nation.

I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep. It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia.

Einstein developed a theory about space. It was about time too.

I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors, I win,” and I drove off. He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages.

I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask way too many personal questions. Like, “Whose blood is this”, and, “Where did you get it?”

1 comment

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