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guru

New South Wales, Australia

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Apr 15, 2021Apr 2021

I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe

2 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 15, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum? Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

1 comment

HOPE, HUMANITY, ACHIEVEMENT and ENDURANCE

Apr 15, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

Bike Wheelies & More Wins Vs. Fails | PAA Vs. FailArmy!

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 15, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

TOTAL IDIOTS AT WORK 3

Why do musicians think that waves can be pointy? Because the C can B.

The plauge was rats, COVID was the bats, I'm sensing a pattern, sideways glancing at my cats

My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years. I never knew he was a barber.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 15, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

Girl Pulls off Crazy Move in Jenga Game

I named a Spider I found in my house "Cotton Eye Joe" because... Because Where did he come from and where did he go

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was

Rashida Tlaib Calls For NO MORE Police In INSANE Tweet, She Really Wants NO Cops

Dog Relaxes While Enjoying Head Massage From Its Owner

CNN Staffer EXPOSED Celebrating COVID Deaths For Ratings In New Project Veritas BOMBSHELL Report

Chauvin Trial Defense Scores MAJOR Win As Medical Expert Says George Floyd Death Was NOT A Homicide

New Details EMERGE About Daunte Wright as Mainstream Media ENFLAMES Racial Tensions!!!

CNN BOMBSHELL! Director Caught on Hidden Camera Admitting Network is PROPAGANDA!!!

Yes - Heart Of The Sunrise (Symphonic Live 2003)

The Three Stooges All Funny Moments 1953-1955

Project Veritas EXPOSES CNN Staffer Admitting They Are Activist PROPAGANDA, They Are Proud Of It

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently... ...I'm on the knight shift next week.

What did Spock find in the toilet of the Enterprise? The captain's log.

I recently started a boat shop in my attic The sails have been going though the roof.

My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?" I said "I don't own a net".

Two white mice chat... The first one asks: "Did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?" The second replies: "Hey, I am not crazy they didn't yet finish the tests on humans!"

I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game But good players are hard to find

Why do doctors make more money from circumcisions than other types of procedures? It's the only procedure in which they collect tips!

The last thing my grandfather told me was “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.” That was some sound advice.

Determined Golden Retriever teaches us to not give up

The Inside Scoop of How the BLM Shakedown Racket Works

BLM Rioters Dox Minnesota Police Officer Amid Night Three Of Ongoing Riots, Officer FLEES Her Home

I Got Attacked by a Very Cute Beagle Puppy!

Egypt 'seizes' Suez megaship, demands nearly $1 billion compensation | Latest English News

What’s the oldest age someone can get a circumcision? I just want to know the cutoff date.

"Look Dad! The clowns are leaving the circus to go get food!" "Son how many times do I have to tell you? Those are called Senators leaving the Capitol"

I asked my wife what size freezer we should buy. She responded, "How tall are you?"

A man was arrested for firing a gun into a kitchen. First he took a potshot then he got a mugshot.

I was offered a job as a noise pollution officer... But I had to turn it down.

Katie Hopkins Reunited with Brandon Straka - A WALKAWAY UPDATE

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch. Yeti never complains

I thought my mouse was dead. But it's alive and clicking.

Look, I know she ate a worm but we are not here to debate de bait deb ate.

What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 feet long ? A pi-thon

If you think swimming with dolphins is pretty expensive, you should try swimming with sharks... It cost me an arm and a leg!

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? Because he conditioned it.

I went to the dentist to put all caps on my teeth... ...now I can't help but shout every time I talk.

THE DEVIL IN GEORGIA Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep67

Pentagon Introduces MICROCHIPS To Be Inserted Under SKIN, In Hilarious CBS 60 Minutes Story

Police Chief RESIGNS Amid Daunte Wright Riots, Chauvin Trial Compromised By BLM Riots

BLM Riots Tear Through Minneapolis, National Guard Deployed Following Yet Another Police Shooting

BLM Riots ERUPT Across The Country, Stores Looted And Burned, Politician And Media Call it Peaceful

Why Distrust of Fauci is Warranted | Dr. Fauci - Not Trump - Reduces Faith in the Vaccine

A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, “You know, I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” the woman asks. “No, no. Just the regular kind,” he replied.

What is the most masculine job you can have? Being a male man.

Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson, "this bed is missing something." Watson replies "no sheet sherlock."

Jane: I miss England. Tarzan: Me no idea you a beauty pageant winner.

Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items 1, 3, & 5 were done. Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies." I said, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids”

Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe? I'm not joking, but he is.

‘Describe yourself with one word’, my employer asked. ‘Bad with numbers’

The word Nothing is a palindrome... Backwards it spells gnihtoN which also means nothing.

Dog Goes Horse Riding

CNN didn't see this coming....

Why does the little cannabis plant spend every other week at his father's house? Because his parents have joint custody.

What sound marks the start of a hippie race? A bong...

What do you call a biker who doesn't believe in Santa? Rebel without a Claus.

You hear about the snail who had to call a tow truck? He couldn't make 'is car go

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway? Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...

I once knew a Formula 1 driver who had a day job trucking donkeys. He was never a good driver, but he hauled ass!

My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

Dog Jumps In Joy While Going Out For Walk

Corporate Press And Woke Leftists Are In Full PANIC MODE, Woke Media Is Collapsing, We Are WINNING

PRESIDENT MANCHIN Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep66

Chauvin Trial Judge REFUSES To Sequester Jury As BLM Riots ERUPT, Media Tainting Public Perception

Katie Hopkins Deaths Due to Lockdown

Went to the doctor today and rasped, "There seems to be a few spoons and forks stuck in my throat." He chuckled, "It's not that serious but..." "You'll need to have utensils taken out."

Broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place. Since then I've never looked back.

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!” “Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

The French version of Jaws finishes with the word FIN. It's really inappropriate

A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?" "No, I've been run over by a truck."

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on. Without one, it just lacks appeal.

I chose not to go to the doctor for my skin irritation. It was a rash decision.

National Guard Deployed In Minneapolis As BLM And Antifa Riots ERUPT Over ANOTHER Police Incident

New Website Tracking Youtube REMOVING Dislikes From Biden Videos In INSANE Social Media Manipulation

Grandpa asked me how to print on his new computer. I said: "Just control-p." He said: "I haven't been able to do that for years!"

What do a computer and a shark have in common? They both have megabites

Why did the computer cross the road? It was programmed by the chicken

What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use? A big mac

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 11, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

Why did the spider get on the computer? To check his website.

Ozzy Man Reviews: When Animals Fight Back 8

BLM, but not when the founder is picking a house! Caitlin Jenner to run for gov. of Commiefornia

Dinesh D'Souza Responds to Leftist Harvard Mathematician Who Says In Some Cases 2+2=5

Katie Hopkins On Nikki Grahame & Prince Harry.

Two Dogs Greet Each Other Excitedly on Meeting in the Park

0 comments

The Greatest Music Ever Made, Ever Played.

Apr 11, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

Black Sabbath / War Pigs / 1974 California Jam

How not to film a tug launching

"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf." Doctor said, "Describe the symptoms." "Well, Homer is bald, Marge has blue hair..."

1 comment

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