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guru

New South Wales, Australia

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Apr 24, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

What did the plywood say to the 2x4? I’m board

I have a hemp welcome mat. Some view it as a gateway rug.

In recent news, a man who was charged with impersonating a hay stack Has been bailed

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

Moe Takes His Lumps - Three Stooges compilation 1

How did the dog survive a flood? Because it was a good buoy

Gerry & The Pacemakers "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying" on The Ed Sullivan Show

Oxygen believed to have run out in Indonesia's missing submarine

Terence Hill's "My name is nobody" - Teaching a lesson

Golden Retriever Hugs Dad

The police are trying to say I "assaulted" this geezer with a sheet of sandpaper! But all I did was rough him up a bit.

My dentist removed the wrong tooth. It was accidental.

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed "I am your Father" Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 24, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

Told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud. "It should, it was fresh ground this morning. "

So I'm reading a horror story in braille And I feel that something bad is going to happen

1 comment

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 24, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

What did Marxists use before candles? Light bulbs.

WATCH Dog caught digging hole but styles it out

Puppies go for a swim at the beach!

Excited puppy jumps the doggy gate to get to dad.

What do you call a Norse god who doesn't draw much attention to themselves? Low Key.......!

A friend of mine finally started watching Doctor Who, after years of not even knowing what the show is about It’s about time

Katie Hopkins: The Katie's Arms 23 April 2021

Did you know that birthdays are actually good for your health? Studies have shown that a person who has more birthdays live the longest.

I was offered a job as a noise pollution officer... But I had to turn it down.

Activists REFUSE To Leave After Chauvin Verdict, Nothing Will EVER Be Enough, They Say It

I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.

A friend of mine once ate a couple of toy horses. The doctor said not to worry, his condition is stable now.

I invented a relish made out of my own . It's my main sauce of income.

Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office? Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson.

I was wondering why I felt pain wherever I touched on my body Turns out I had a cut on my finger

I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings Apparently it's an Apartment Complex

Did you hear about the guy with erectile dysfunction who was aroused by tastes and smells? It took a while, but he finally came to his senses.

Ghislaine Maxwell pleads not guilty to charges

Media BECLOWN Themselves Reporting On Ben Shapiro's Amazing Purchase Of WOOD From Home Depot

Police RESIGN Following Protests, Officers Are QUITTING As Communities Reject Them

MAN OF STEELE Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep 75

Caitlyn Jenner Announces Run Against Democrat Gavin Newsom, Recall Effort BREAKS 2M Signatures

BLM Protesters STORM Oklahoma Capitol Building During Session Deliberating Anti-Riot Act

What do you call a dream about paint? A pigment of your imagination!

Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peak-A-Boo accident? To the I-C-U

Yes - Love Will Find A Way

My girlfriend told my to throw my Meat loaf CDs out I would do anything for love but I won't do that.

My dating coach told me I should suck in my cheeks to look more attractive. It didn’t work and ended up giving me a wedgie.

A lady of the house lost three pairs of expensive panties and blamed the maid, in front of her husband. The maid looked at the husband and said "Sir, you're my witness. You know I never wear panties."

Asked my French friend if he played any video games He said "wii"

After traveling to Moscow, the Russian Opposition leader thought he got bitten by a suspicious wasp. Turns out it was a cagey bee.

“Hey Grandma, how was your doctors appointment?” “I think the doctor was flirting with me. He told me I have acute angina!”

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

What do you get when you cross a mobster with a lawyer? An offer you can't understand.

BLM Riots Erupt In NYC, Antifa REFUSES TO Take Down Autonomous Zone, Chauvin Verdict Did NOTHING

Dog Steps Onto Treadmill to Walk Alongside Owner

Did you know that the Pentagon was originally supposed to be an Octagon? It’s true, but the contractor just kept cutting corners.

My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds

A fire hydrant with a suit walks into a bar The barman says “you look quite extinguished”

0 comments

Comedy, Laughs and Humor.

Apr 23, 2021Apr 2021

Posted by guru

I finally married my Korean wife whom I met in a penpal site few years ago.. She's my Seoul mate.

Chauvin Trial Juror Speaks Out, She Feared Verdict Would Anger People, Emotions Ruled The Trial

Golden Retriever Dad Tells Playtime is Over

My Slam Dunk on Lebron James, America's Biggest Hypocrite

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing “I'm a Believer”... Then I saw her face...

My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards I said "y not"

How often do scientists reference the Table of Elements? Periodically.

If you're towing a speedboat... ...are you pulling a fast one?

I finally did it! I got my bartending license! If your name is Bart I will END YOU.

Husband "the doctor said I should touch myself whenever I feel like it" Wife "no, he said you could have a stroke at any time"

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards” Me: “and?”

Democrat Gretchen Whitmer SLAMMED For Violating Her OWN Lockdown Rules As Blatant Hypocrisy

Derek Chauvin DID NOT Receive A Fair Trial

Police Are Resigning EN MASSE Over BLM Riots And Democrat Policy, Chauvin Verdict Will Make It WORSE

STREET JUSTICE Dinesh D’Souza Podcast Ep 74

First Black NC Lt Governor, Mark Robinson GOES OFF on Dems for Insulting Blacks About Voter ID Laws

The media is LYING to you about George Floyd and Ma'Khia Bryant.

LeBron James SLAMMED For Tweeting Pic Of Cop Involved In Police Shooting, Says 'YOU'RE NEXT'

Watch What Happens When a Portrait Artist Takes LSD

BLM Rioters Stage INSURRECTION, Insurrectionists STORM Capitol Over Republican Anti Riot Law

Syrian missile lands near Israel's nuclear reactor

Me: Why is my sister’s name Teresa? Dad: because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter. Me: Thanks, dad. Dad: no problem, Alan.

My wife didn’t like my joke about a prisoner with dwarfism falling out of a window... ...she said it was a little condescending.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

Dropped my phone in a lake its syncing

It is my wife's birthday tomorrow. She's been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house. So I've bought her a magazine rack.

Nelson was 5ft 4". His statue on top of the column in London is 18ft. Thats Horatio of about 3:1

Officials release bodycam footage of Ma’Khia Bryant shooting

(1899-1900). Man overboard!. Royal Navy and German Navy naval exercises.

(1897) Sir Hiram Maxim testing his invention, the machine gun.

Cop Gets FIRED For Donating To The Kenosha Kid, Chauvin Conviction Just Proved BLM Right

Debunking Two False Narratives About the Derek Chauvin Case

DISGUSTING! Lebron James defends a knife-wielding maniac.

The lie of female empowerment

YES - The Gates Of Delirium - Live at QPR

ELP / Karn Evil 9 1st Impression Part 2 / 1974 California Jam

My obese parrot died. It was a huge weight off my shoulders.

I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized... I don't even have a coconut...

You know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles

I was too late to the cannibal buffet They just gave me the cold shoulder

I keep forgetting what the opposite of night is called. I gave up and just called it a day.

What sign does the brothel put up in its off hours? Beat it, were closed.

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said “let’s take this upstairs” “Ok” I said “ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other”

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